i've decided

Saturday, I am going to Sam's and buying as much bottled water that will fit in my Tahoe with the seats out.

Sunday, I am getting Hannah in the car and we are driving as far east as we can on I-10. I can not sit and watch and do nothing. I run my water for lunch, Hannah takes a shower, we have AC. I can not do nothing.

I have four coolers to fill with ice.

You can get through, I see them on the news, I don't know how far I will get, but I have to try. Even if I leave the water on the side of the road, or with the red cross, or the salvation army, I have to try.

I've decided. Our new motto, Done.

look what

Suzi made for me.

I am thinking of moving my blog to my own domain, I think I am outgrowing the limitations of blogger. I'm hoping Suzi can help, take a look at her site, it is awesome :)

program needed

OK all you techies, I need a program that converts my jpgs into a slideshow with music capabilities, any ideas?

let's get interactive

American Beauty or Pulp Fiction?

Coke or Pepsi?

Walmart or Target?

Rolling Stones or Bob Dylan?

Sunrise or Sunset?

Summer or Winter?

Christmas or Thanksgiving?

Weddings or Funerals?

Sopranos or Sex and the City?

Upstairs or Downstairs?

Boat or Jet Skii?

Lake or Ocean?

Boys or Girls?

Cats or Dogs?

North or South?

East or West?

Landline or Cellphone?

Online Blog or Hand written journal?

pointing to the right

There is a lot to talk about at home, I am not ready to write it all out yet.

Ashley leaves in 20 days, I will not be there to send her off. I don't even know if I will be home at that point. Her birthday is six days later than that. Birthday in bootcamp.

Day One is rapidly approaching.

If you look to the right, you will see a 'suscribe box' This allows you to be notified by email when I update. (kidding myself I have that many people waiting with baited mouseclicks to see if I have updated)

Alas, I wish every blog had that, I spend a good ten minutes surfing through sites to see if there is an update, not that I mind.

So, having said that (that's for YOU Suzi since I know you do read LOL) Sign up and add it to your site so I can sign up for your site!

remembering

I watch the coverage, I see the pain, as I did during 9/11.

I remember telling Larry, I can not watch another person holding up a picture asking, "Have you seen my son, my daughter, my mom"

I see them coming into my store, all day, nothing left, can you please help me call out. The phones, I can not make their phones work to call home, send a text message, that still works, you can send a text message to a landline phone.

They were so happy to hear that, started immediately sending messages to loved ones.

There are thousands, too many to count who have nothing.

Sprint, not handling collections accounts in that area, some big companies still have heart.

I want to go and help, but there is no where to even go, you can't even get into the city that needs it.

Tomorrow I will be calling the SPCA, there are also a lot of animals left homeless from the shelter they were, having no home to begin with.

Give to the red cross, call your animal shelter, do something!

i know you

i know you, but do not know your face
i know you, yet have never heard your voice
i know your family, but have never met them
i know you, but have never met you

i read your thoughts
and feel your pain

i read your joys
and celebrate with you

i want to comfort you
i want to hug you

but i do not know you

if i saw you on the street, i would not recognize you
but i know your email address

without walls we speak,
sometimes with walls we read

i know you, and you know me
or so we think ......

fun with Hannah and her lip

Last night, as tired as I was and on my way to bed, I doubled over in laughter. It seems Hannah was stretching in front of her mirror (most of what she does is in front of the mirror). She was stretching her arms starting in front and raising them over her head backwards in a circle. Now, during this exercise, she discovered a muscle connected to her lip.

Every time she did it, her top lip on the left side would curl up, kind of like an Elvis sneer. This made her laugh hysterically each time she did it, and when she came downstairs to show us, she could not get her composure, she had to wait until she could stop laughing.

Then of course, we all laughed.

I'm telling you, this girl is something else.

fall

Fall is good for three things --

Cooler weather, and by that I mean around 75 or so, we are in Texas after all.

Football.

And the end of re-runs. Thank gawd.

Shows I will be watching this fall --

Desperate Housewives. I grew up in the 80's with Dallas & Dynasty, I freaking love desperate housewives.

LOST -- This is the show I love to hate, every episode is like a season finale.

Survivor. Not one twist, but TWO! I do love this show.

American Idol. No comments from the peanut gallery!

I'm going to give Commander in Chief a shot. I like Gina Davis, the idea of a woman president, and I truly feel the only way that will happen is if she is vice president and he dies. Sorry to all of the lefties that read me, even though I am connected by gender and want a woman president, I don't think I can bring myself to vote for Hillary. (but that's another post for next fall.

I may check out My Name is Earl, I freaking love Jason Lee. Chasing Amy made me a lifelong fan of his.

That's about it, what shows are you looking forward to?

fluck flickr

OK, flickr has just pissed me off, it duplicates pictures, organizing them is a bitch and it just isn't worth it.

I uploaded all of our Hawaii pictures to JussPress Its awesome, sorts them by day which is way cool. Have a look, hope you likeyoulike (our nickname name for one of the highways there)

***edited -- I fixed the link!

i don't work

My "i" on my laptop is going out, I have to punch it really hard.

Does this mean I type about myself too much?

I had a mini meltdown at work today. There is so much information being thrown at us with this merger, no way we can absorb it without actually "doing" it. Nextel systems, phones, plans. It's like, here is all this stuff, but no, we can't show you the systems, the plans will change, and we just got the phones.

Jeff was calm as a bowl of jello. Very un-Jeff like. He is pretty much bald and I call his head the jeff-o-meter. I can tell how stressed he is by the shade of red it turns. It is usually me or previously Mandy calming him down.

He informed me he had his meltdown last week, while we were crossing paths.

Instead of focusing on what I couldn't do, I focused on what I could do. I got my planner together for Hannahs schedules. Larry went to orientation so I copied, and laminated everything. It felt very, very good.

I had stressed myself out so bad my stomach was in turmoil.

I have got to get to bed, back there at 8am, one day off again next week.

This merger has to be done SOON!!!

obts and closure

I am not of the age where I read the obits every morning to see who died, yet.

However, after re-watching the last Six Feet Under I decided to mosey over to HBO and see what kind of online send off they gave The Fishers.

Outstanding, as usual.

Complete closure

Look for yourself

word verification

OK, so I had to turn the word verification on, spammers, they seriously need a life

clearly, it has not been my week

It started Sunday night as we were driving home from my dad's. I tell Larry I want to take the boat out on Sunday, he immediately groans, "Don't we have something planned on Sunday?" No, we don't. And if you are not going to take it out, we need to sell it. This is where the fight starts. Larry has a very bad habit of talking to me like I am an idiot. He starts berating me telling me we can't sell it because we would have to pay about 8 grand to sell it. This pisses me off, not what he was saying, but how I tell him, keep it up Larry, keep it up. When you have lived in an abusive environment, you are hyper sensitive to these things.

Fuming, I sit in silence for a few miles, then ask, what year is the boat? I will look into selling it. At this point, taking it out three or four times a season, it is a very expensive rental. Then, there is the fact we may not be keeping the Tahoe, so what will we pull it with? ARGH. Larry & I rarely fight, after almost twenty years we know each other pretty well, and we have settled in nicely to our relationship, but those little flare ups still happen.

Monday, I find out we are out of paper at work. I log on to our ordering site and order the paper, Staples usually always delivers overnight. In the meantime, I have to drive to the Copperfield store to borrow some. I also have to pick up rate plans as everything is on hold due to the impending "Day One" as a new company. I also find out our new Regional Manager will be in on Tuesday.

Ashley called asking if she could come by and get some stuff she needed on Tuesday. She was acting very pleasant, surprising me. Hannah will be there, you can go when she gets home.

Tuesday, my host calls in sick, I have two people at merger training and Jeff is off. Looks like I will be the host all day, no problem. Except the new regional coming out. I know I do not have my name tag on, I keep trying to get a break to go out to the car and get it, no such luck. Since I am short people and a host, I was ringing up a sale when they walk in. Strike one -- No host greeting them, Strike two -- A manager in a transaction, Strike three -- No name tag. They stay all of five minutes and leave. OK, we made it through that quick visit. Tuesday at work comes and goes, no paper. Crap.

Tuesday night Larry is going to open house/meet the teacher/orientation at Hannah's school. I am off with Hannah to discuss travel arrangements for she and Stephanies demanding schedule. This is how it works for the next four weeks --

Monday - School @ 6:30am for cross country practice
Stay after school for Cross Country practice (2:30 - 4:15)
Leave at 4:15 for lacrosse practice (4:15 - 6:30)
Leave lacrosse practice at 6:30 for Driver's Ed (7:00 - 9:00)

Tuesday - Same as above but no cross country after school, this is where they will stay after if needed for tutorials

Wednesday - School @ 6:30am for cross country practice
Go to the park to run the district meet course (2:30 - 4:15)
Leave at 4:15 for lacrosse practice (4:15 - 6:30)
Leave lacrosse practice at 6:30 for Driver's Ed (7:00 - 9:00)

Thursday - Same as above but no cross country after school, tutorials if needed.

Trish (Stephanie's Mom & my co-parent) decide in our infinite wisdom the girls are overextended and will burn out, quickly. We decide that three nights of lacrosse is too much and cut the Wednesday practice. No way will the girls be able to make it after running two miles before and after school, then lacrosse, then driver's ed. And oh by the way, where is the homework time? How are you getting from school to lacrosse? We have already decided Trish will pick up from lacrosse and take to driver's ed, Larry will drive them to school in the AM, then we will pick up from driver's ed. The schedule is not set in stone at this point. I tell Hannah, you need a planner, and you will need to keep it up. No more writing homework assignments on your hand.

I get home from Stephanie's, Larry gets home from the school and we head up to Wal-Mart. This is where Tuesday starts getting really good. We get the few items we need and head to the check out lane. I decide to go in the one lane that sells cigarettes because I am out (yes I smoke, yes I know it's bad, yes I am planning to quit). The checker is an older man, being very snippity to the customer in front of me. We get to the lane, I ask for the pack of cigarettes, he ask for my ID. Now, I may not look my full age, but I certainly look over 18, even 27 which is their "we id" age. I don't have it, I say, you can look at his meaning Larry. The smart ass says, no, I can't sell them to you, you will have to get back in line and have him buy them himself.

OK, that makes a lot of sense. If you know he is buying them for me, and he is getting back in line, why not sell them to him now? The guy is rude at this point, says he will not sell them to Larry, he would have to wait for him to get off that register. Now I'M pissed. What is your name?
David
What is your last name?
I don't have one
You don't have a last name?
Not for you I don't

WHOA -- Hold the phone. The lady behind us gasped in as much shock as we were.

I want to speak to your manager, like NOW.
I already called her. He is busy ringing up the shocked lady behind us at that point.

The manager comes over and I tell her exactly what had happened, the lady behind me vouches for his rudeness. She apologizes and sells Larry the cigarettes, asking for his ID. Larry makes a point of covering up his last name. Whatever, I'm going home, I am exhausted and ready for bed.

Not so fast Kimmy, you have one more phone call to take. Ashley has been calling Larry, one of the last times she asked for 200 and something dollars to fly to see Chanell and to see a concert. Larry politely declined to oblige her. Then she had called me on Monday, very nicely asking to come get some stuff. She did come get it, then left me another very nice message thanking me for setting it out.

Now, here comes what I believe the real reason she wanted to come by. She has no money, she wants to go to a payday advance place with a blank voided check to get a loan for the plane fare. This is what I believe she was looking for. When she didn't find the temporary checks, she calls me back.

"Where are those checks?"
Why?
I need some quick cash and I need the checks.
You are planning to go to one of those loan places so you can fly to see a concert?
Yes
Ashley, that is ridiculous
(Larry in the background) Do not lecture her, let her make her own decisions
Ashley, I shredded them a long time ago.
More arguing. Larry again, let her go, do not argue with her. He's right, good luck, goodbye.

I finally get to bed, my head spinning from the conversation, this is when I realize what she really wanted to come over for, why she called with a thank you because she didn't find them. Once again, only when she wants or needs something do we hear from her. I get to sleep, slowly.

Wednesday morning, on my way to work, my phone rings - "This is Kim" I answer.
Hey, it's Ashley, did you really shred those checks?
Yes, I really did, four months ago.
Screaming, "You had no right to do that! Those were MY checks, you can not do that!"
Ashley, you are a grown up, figure out a way to get there.
Screaming, "I had a way and you just ruined it! All they needed was a voided check!!!!!!!"
Ashley, I am not arguing with you about this.
"This is just one more way you have ruined my life" she continued with lots of cussing, screaming and crying.
Goodbye Ashley, 'click'

I call Larry and inform him of the conversation. This is Ashley, she is so addicted to Chanell, she hasn't seen her in ten days and she is starting to unravel. I imagine there are new cuts on her somewhere today. She is obsessed, enmeshed, co-dependent, sees her self worth in Chanell, who clearly does not do the same. If Chanell wants you there so bad, let her pay for the ticket.

With Ashley acting so manic I can only imagine what the scenario is. Maybe Chanell just mentioned the concert. Maybe she is going with Mark who she spent so much time with last time she lived in MD. Maybe Ashley is afraid she is going to lose her. The point is we don't know. We have never been allowed to know when it comes to Chanell. We are only punished when we don't help.

All this drama and it's only Wednesday, 11am at that. Go in, still no paper, crazy customers already (see post below)

Today I am off, I think it may be best if I stay inside, far away from the outside world.

top 16 reasons why i can't sleep at night

* Ashley
* Hannah's schedule
* The fact that come Saturday night I will have worked 92 hours in two weeks.
* Crazy customers
* That my new regional manager came by our store, with one of the Nextel district managers and I didn't have my nametag on
* Somehow I forgot to order paper and we have about 20 sheets left until it gets there
* I think one of my associates is taking pills
* We are short two people
* That Larry & I got into a fight over the boat on Saturday night
* Todd's cancer
* The money we spent on vacation
* Hannah taking driver's ed
* My DVR not playing the sound on things I have recorded
* Our quota
* Something is biting me at work and I'm itching like hell
* I have to take tylenol PM to sleep, then dream about all said issues above.

i am a bitch

When I arrived to work today, Jeff was helping a customer. Seems she blew a gasket because she "thought" she was getting skipped in line. In all actuality Jeff was simply answering another customers question) Her phone needed replacing, so we did. We also transferred her phone book.

She then proceeded to call back after she realized her "call history" did not transfer. Now, people, call history and phone books are two totally different things. Your downloads don't transfer, your pictures won't transfer, your settings won't transfer, but the phonebook, will. Please remember that.

Due to inventory procedures I will not bore you with, we had to send her phone in today's shipment. So, Dana, being the awesome, wonderful, greatest tech that he is, wrote down every call in her history. Incoming, outgoing and missed. All of them.

Tonight, about five minutes before we closed, she calls in. She can't get there in time to get the phone. I inform her that we had to return the phone and our tech wrote all of her numbers down. She begins to question me, "how do you know what I'm talking about when I talked with the host?"
"ma'am, I was there when you called with the problem"

She then proceeds to reem me about not telling people the call history won't transfer. Call history//not phonebook -- Most people would get it, or ask if it was that damn important. Again, I apologize she wasn't informed, told her I will make an effort to inform other customers, etc.

She is STILL not done. What did this woman want from me? I have her numbers, nothing is lost, we went over and beyond for her. I politely tell her I have another customer waiting and that I will hold her numbers at the host stand for her. This infuriates her to no end, who is your manager? "I am actually the assistant manager"
"Who is over you?"
"Jeff G., he will be in in the morning"
"YOU ARE A BITCH!!!!"
'click'

OK, that was reasonable I am sure. I go to make notes in her account (people, every wireless company has a space for notes about your transactions, if you try to get it over on one store, guess what? The next store is gonna know about it too!) and guess what? Do you remember a few months back, I had a lady come into my store who's daughter was in juvenile detention? Her husband was leaving her because of the daughter's behavior, she was in desperate need of a phone and I gave her the instant rebate? Yep, you guessed it, it was her. Now, seeing as I have recently had another blowout with Ashley, I could understand her craziness .... to a point But come on. If she had known it was actually me on the phone, would she have acted that way? The mere fact that she did bothers me.

Karma, Karma, Karma .....

I am a bitch, it must be true, I was told that twice in one day.

open letter

Dear Ashley,

Please do not call only to criticize, I do not do that to you.
Please do not call under the pretense of being nice, then when you do not get what you want, turn ugly and rageful.

Your choices have been yours to make, no one else's. No one ever can or ever could make you decide differently.

We have been through this same thing over and over, aren't you tired of it yet? I continue to fail you in your eyes, whether it be the case or not, it is how you feel. I am entitled to the same feelings.

Your checks were shredded four months ago. Before you even graduated. Do you remember me taking you to the bank? You didn't even want to go, remember? You did not order checks, remember? I took the checkbook, you did not ask for it, remember?

If you chose to start your life in debt, that is YOUR choice to make, we will not be able to help you later when it is too late. Your past choices have affected your future chances, if you learn nothing else, please learn that.

We have to break, it is not healthy or productive for you and I to continue to speak in any way, shape or form. There is too much anger, hurt and resentment on both sides right now to even try, so let's save ourselves further hurt and leave each other alone.

I have not called you once, I have not called any of your friends. I have not called your recruiter. You only call me when you want something, and since I continue to fail you, why keep calling if you know I am not going to give it to you? There is no reason. Your message last night thanking me for setting your stuff out seems at this stage a ploy.

Did you come over to get the scrapbook or to look for your checks? Did you call to thank me as a way in to get your checks? Did you call to scream at me this morning because you were thankful? No. I will not entertain any more arguments with you.

I allow myself to get sucked in to the argument, I then spend the entire day thinking about it. It will not happen again. I will not have another argument with you. Should you call, be prepared to accept that fact. If you call to argue, cuss, or scream at me, you will be doing it to a dial tone.

I want nothing but the best for you, always have, always will. I hope you can find a way to make better choices and live your life for yourself, not for anyone else. If Chanell wants to see you so bad, she can split the ticket with you.

Ashley, good luck, I love you, I just can not be a part of this vicious cycle any longer .....

meeting the (former) enemy

I actually worked more than an hour with Jeff today. That hasn't happened since before I went on vacation. We are passing keys and emails during the day.

One of the last ones he sent "you are doing such a good job, I think I will take another week off" No way -- get your ass back to work!

Our merger with Nextel is complete, day 1 as a new company will be coming up very soon. Today, we crossed the former line and the street to meet our extended family at the Nextel store. Adrienne is going to that store until December as an ambassador, and one of their guys is coming to ours.

They have a nice store, they are in for a shock. The store quota is 80, ours is 373. No one walked in, was there or even called while we were there. OK, our store was dead too, but still.

There is only one girl there, she is very excited that Adrienne is coming.

We stole a bag with the new logo on it. Sprint is no longer red, we are black and yellow. Our diamond as been flipped out and looks like a wing.

It will all be very, very interesting!

hello

Gorgeous!

for charlotte

OK, plain jane west texas cactus :)

happy birthday, ranch style

Hannah wanted to go to my Dad's ranch for her birthday. Saturday, we took her to HB for lunch, gave her her present (driver's ed, which she was convinced she wasn't going to get) and she started balling. She had no idea and it was a lot of fun.

I was exhausted. Don't tell David Carr, but I really wanted to go home and sleep instead of going to the game. We ran into my friend Corie and her husband there, Larry ended up going to the game with Dwayne. It was his birthday on Saturday.

Corie came over to the house and we watched a bootleg of Mr & Mrs Smith (I do not support nor condone bootlegging of movies, but it did save us 24 bucks and I did not solicit it :)

Sunday we got up at 6am, Happy Birthday Hannah!! We get dressed, get Stephanie and head west. My dad & stepmom run a bed and breakfast in Fredericksburg, Texas. It's gorgeous there and I have been going since I was 10.

Daddy had saddled up the horses and took the girls on a ride, they saw lots of deer, petted Hank the donkey (I always think of the "pick me" scene from Shrek, he looks just like that donkey) stayed very still while a group of bee's flew by following their queen I imagine, scratched 'pork & beans' the pot belly pig that is so fat he can't see and saw a wild turkey. Cindy made chicken with bowtie pasta and squash ... Hannah blew out her candle in homemade peach cobbler made with fresh Stonewall peaches ..... it was great.

We had a wonderful visit and headed back home about five.

I then had my own little funeral for Six Feet Under. It was the best series finale I have ever seen. I am going to miss the Fishers. I taped the National Geographic 9/11 doc. I will watch it on Thursday when I am off, alone and safe.

Hannah banana is fifteen and will be driving in four weeks .... watch out Houston!

to the factory

As St Tropez Butler would say.

One of my very good friends Deanna (have known her for years) found out last summer her husband Todd had lymphoma. Two weeks later, her Dad, same thing, same type. Right after that, her best online friend found out he had stomach cancer.

She has had a rough time of it. Christmas, this year, Todd was in remission.

Tonight, they are at MD Anderson.

She started Todd's Kicking Cancer Website to keep family and friends up to date on everything.

Please stop by and leave some well wishes for her, Todd and their family.

Their theme song was "Live like you were dying" by Tim McGraw. I am playing it here for Todd. Tim caught wind of his plight and even called Todd during the first round. He wouldn't go skydiving with Todd though!

Todd, Deanna, Austin & Ally, we love you, we are thinking of you ....

a mess!

Well, I bit the bullet and upgraded to a pro flickr account, organize and upload all the pictures, right? DISASTER!

If you use the nifty little uploading tool so you can upload more than six at a time, it often fails, so you re-upload, and guess what? It uploads double prints ..... Bear with me .... I'm way too tired to be messing with this tonight, I think I am going to bed!

i want to go back .... like tomorrow

I finally started uploading the Hawaii Pictures to Flicker ..... Enjoy :)

swimming with sharks

Literally ...... This was Hannah's "must do" in Hawaii. Her film was used up in 3 minutes out of the thirty she was in the tank.


They lure them up with skin, the sound of the jaws clamping down is one you don't forget, that I promise you ....


That is her in the cage, in the green.

famous real places

We were watching Sienfeld Chronicles tonight and it reminded me of our first family vacation to New York.

We went to Monks, the restaurant they always went to. We have a picture of us in front of the "restaurant" sign they always showed.

On my girls trip to New York (Marilee, Deanna & I) we visited the real "soup nazi" It was hilarious. He really does yell at people, in fact, he was yelling at the customer in front of us, it rattled Marilee so much, she ordered, gave him the money and stepped to the side so fast she forgot her change! Now, I'm a soup girl, I love it, all kinds, bisque, chowder, gumbo, etc. The soup was off the hook. I had crab bisque, it was awesome.

We've also been to Serendipity (In NY). Yes, the real ice cream shoppe they went to in the movie Serendipity. We went there long before the movie. Every now and then I get the biggest craving for the forbidden broadway sundae ..... mmmmm, so good, and frozen hot chocolate. You have to taste it to get it.

It's a funny thing I like to do on vacation, find places that we can actually visit from movies. The movie hummer tour in Oahu was awesome. They filmed a small part of Jurassic Park, 50 First Dates, Windtalkers, Tears of the Sun, Mighty Joe Young and some other ones. Now when I watch 50 first, I see all the places we saw.

Next time you are going on vacation, go to IMDB and look for your destination to see the movies that have been made there.

On a side note, I am trying to figure out what to do with that stupid boat! I need some kind of heavy truck to pull it, which is keeping me tied tight to that gas sucking Tahoe. I want to cut the strings and get into my lighter Mini!!!! I have the new car fever .... bad!

it's all about me .....

Should be tattooed to Hannah's forehead!

She is so high maintenance it is unreal. This is how my day went -- (sorry Suzi!)

Get up, read some blogs, read work email, brush teeth, hair, find suitable Texans hat & shirt to wear w/jeans.

Go to pick up Hannah, she isn't there, go to the lunch room to find her, she finds me.

Take her to doctor appointment #1, her physical. We are late for appointment #2, her throat check up, call, reschedule. Get done at twelve, two hours before her next appointment, the dentists. Lunch, phone call with Jeff, inventory issues *groan*

Dentists installs permanent retainer on her top teeth. Finally. We put both girls through braces without dental insurance (of course they got it right before Hannah got hers off) Ashley never wore her retainer and her teeth turned, Hannah wore hers more, but now hers are shifting too. Retainer time. Five grand protected, permanently.

Rush to Dr #3, throat is fine, healing very well, back to full eating, all good.

Now, here is where she kicks in. She wants to go to Harwin. You know that place that every major city has, rows and rows of purses, knockoffs, Gucci, Prada, Coach, Louis -- all those. She wants a purse. OK, her birthday is Sunday, she can get a purse. "Since we are so close to the house, can we stop and get Stephanie?"

But of course we can.

Drive down, spend 40 minutes "trying on" purses. Yes, trying them on. Everyone she took, she had to stop and pose in the full length mirror. She finally decides on a very cute pink Coach.

Phone store across the street, let's look there, we never even got there, the dress store dragged them in. They tried on about 8 pink dresses, since Homecoming is about a month away, we will probably be spending a lot more time down there.

I'm finally home with my prissy little daughter who is now using her pink earpiece for her phone and she and Stephanie are modeling outfits to wear to school tomorrow.

I have my feet up trying to actually relax before getting up at five for training tomorrow ....................... breathe Kimmy, just breathe ......

three days grace

oh my gah --

What a crazy three days .... Let me start with the most recent --

Inventory yesterday -- At work at 8am. Scan, scan, scan, match, match, match. A whole bunch of stuff missing, phones pouring in, time, time, time.

Finally, at about six, he finds the missing stuff, I don't even get to start the adjustments.

This morning, head to the Galleria at 8:30 am.

I no longer work for Sprint.









I work for Sprint, together with Nextel! Our merger is complete and there was a big celebration/webcast/rally (did I happen to see another blogger? hmmmmmm) at the JW Marriott this morning. It was really cool.

Saturday, I got to work at 8, brought my clothes for the wedding, left at 1, changed for the wedding, got to the wedding at 2, stayed till 6:30, left the wedding for the football game, changed for the football game, got to the game at 8:00 pm, we lost, that sucked, got home about 11:30pm to start my 8am day yesterday.

Today was the end of seven in a row ... again. Jeff is finally back from vacation tomorrow.

Hannah has her physical at 11am, dentist at 2pm and I'm trying to fit the ear, nose and throat in between those two. Then she wants to purse shop. ugh, so much for a day off.

Wednesday & Thursday, to The Woodlands for Sprint/Nextel training .... it never ends, round and round it goes!

let's motor

I am so tired of my Tahoe. Larry has FOUR new cars to my two. A long time ago we bought me a Honda Passport, I loved it, I mean loved it. Larry was not comfortable riding in it, after he hurt his back, he said he could not make the drive to Florida in it. So, we traded up.

When I bought my Passport, he bought a mustang. It was fast, loud, but not big enough for him or the growing girls. So, he traded up to a Chrysler 300M. Nice, comfy and fast. Then, after I got the tahoe, he bought a Honda S2000. Convertible, sporty, sooooo much fun to drive. Then we bought his Moms Honda for Ashley. So, we decided he needed some more room and he traded in the S for an Infinity G35 coupe.

As you know we sold the Honda Ashley had when it was clear she wouldn't and or couldn't be responsible with it, so now we are back to two cars.

The gas in the tahoe is killing me. It is almost paid for. I can't wait. Then it will be Hannah's and something to pull the boat with.

What am I getting? A Mini Cooper S, convertible, Chili Red, Harmon Kardon stereo, the whole nine yards, except for leather. I drove one over the weekend a few months back and I love it. The gas will be much better and I will finally get my convertible!

I have the new car bug bad! I almost bought it a few months back, but reason got the better of me. Pay off the tahoe, no car payments for Hannah, something that will pull the boat and a brand new cute small car for meeeeee!

On the other front -- Work is driving me crazy. We have a few clerks, I need SALES people! 8am today, 9am tomorrow, 8am Sunday for inventory, 8am Monday, OFF TUESDAY! Then Jeff will be back and we have no more manager vacations until the end of the year, thank gawd.

Tomorrow, we have a wedding at 2:00, I will leave work at 1, change for the wedding and go. Then, we will leave the wedding about 5, change again for the football game. I can't wait to see my boys again!

Hannah is doing much better, she has lost so much weight though! You can see her collarbone.

Ashley came by today to get the rest of her stuff. She didn't say where she would be staying, but Chanell leaves on Sunday. Not eventful. I imagine her depression will kick in sometime on Wednesday. I hope she makes it through.

I need to get some sleep for the remainding three days.

Isn't it funny when someone calls you and you have no idea who they are, but yet you do? I love first phone calls ;)

Mahalo

Mahalo, Aloha and No worries were the things I learned in Hawaii.

Mahalo for all your thoughts and concerns, I'm good, no worries :)

Football is back, thank goodness. Preseason, I love it. Terrell Owens is a big time jerk. I am very upset with him.

Jeff is on vacation ..... again. His brother is getting married this weekend to a girl who used to work for us. (That's how she was hired) A lot of his family are in town, so he is off today through Monday.

Work is crazy. This job has no set schedule, twiddling your thumbs one minute, six emails later you have three days of work.

We have a new regional manager, who has been our regional before. Now he is only for the Houston district. He is in town and will probably be visiting my store tomorrow.

Tonight a cross country parents meeting. I hope Hannah sticks with it, a good group of kids. Today she said she thought she swallowed part of her scab, I about threw up. Her throat is finally starting to feel a little better.

I will be working 48 hours next week. I am on day three of seven.

This is such a random post, if you make sense out of it, you must not be as tired as I am writing it.

But I'm OK, no worries

the fortress

Under the ruins of a walled city
Crumbling towers in beams of yellow light
No flags of truce, no cries of pity
The siege guns had been pounding all through the night
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the afternoon
As I returned across the fields I'd known
I recognized the walls that I once laid
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

And if I have built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire

Then I went off to fight some battle
That I'd invented inside my head
Away so long for years and years
You probably thought or even wished that I was dead
While the armies all are sleeping
Beneath the tattered flag we'd made
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

This prison has now become your home
A sentence you seem prepared to pay
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the afternoon
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

impaling

That's what it feels like.

Yesterday, after she left, she called. I was outside, I see the call and return it. No answer. She calls back, she wants to know what colors I wear, she is buying some new make up. Matte Medium & Strawberry Fudge (all you clinique users get it)

That's all she wanted.

Today, at work, I look up, there she is, standing by the accessories, sans hair.

She has cut her hair off, all of it. She looks like a boy, in her boy pants, her boy shirt, her boxers and her boy haircut. Why did she want the make up then?

Do you like it?
No, you knew I wouldn't.

Is my phone still in my name?
Yes. Change the billing address and you can have it back. Sprint sends collection notices every week and they aren't coming here if she doesn't pay her bill.

OK, that's all I wanted.

Why didn't she call? Why did she call? I wish she would just go, go into the navy and start her life. I know that is bad, but I have resolved myself to not having a relationship with her, I don't want freaking peek a boo games with her.

She called Hannah today offering to bring a shake and or burger. Hannah told her she wasn't allowed over without us. That is hard for Hannah to do, but she knows the trouble that would ensue, not only for her, but for Ashley as well.

Rolling my eyes ..... Now that I have told her, it's over, I have seen and spoken to her more than the past three months combined.

Why is that? Impaling

stepping back

My tickets arrived at work today and I needed to complete my time sheet. So, after the doctor, we headed up to work to collect the tickets and fill out my time sheet so I can pay for the tickets.

While I was there, figuring out how to comp time for employees that had stayed late yesterday, my phone rings. It's Ashley.

Hey, can I come by today to get some of my stuff?
We won't be home until 2:30
OK, well, can I go in?
No, the code on the garage has been changed, you will need to wait until one of us is there.
So I can't come over unless your there anymore?
I can not discuss this with you now, if you want, we can discuss it when you get there.
OK, I'll call you at 2:30.

James, next to me states -- Whoa.
It doesn't even phase me. I reply, My 18 year old.
He is too new to know all the drama that everyone else has witnessed over the past two years I have been at that store.

2:30 on the dot she calls again. We will be home in five minutes.

She comes to the door, which is locked. I let her in. She has that smug smile on her face, and her tone is no different. She tells me again she didn't take the pills, but even if she had, would she admit it? So how do you know the truth? You don't.

She begins collecting things, items, all things we have bought or provided her with. She asks if we are going to keep them until she gets done with bootcamp.
Yes.
You can call your dad when you are settled, we will ship them to you, and your last strings to us will be cut, you are free.
You assume that is what I want.
It's what you want when you are here, you only want more when you have nothing else.
I judge you based on the past, not so distant at that.
Then how do you know if I am doing good?
I don't, you have never allowed me into the good things, only the bad. So if you are doing good, I hope you continue, you are 18, no one can save or protect you any longer. You speak to me in that condescending tone and smug look, you haven't spoken to me in six weeks, only when you finally got it through your head you are not coming home.

She is packing a backpack, that was left on the kitchen counter.

Can I take Hannah shopping tomorrow for her birthday?
No.
Why?
Because I don't want her riding with you, who is driving?
Me.
In who's car?
Chanell's dad's.
That you aren't insured for? No. Call her on her birthday. You and Hannah aren't that close anymore, remember?

She left the shirt we had made for her in Hawaii. She left the wood chimes we bought for her in Hawaii. That she has always loved, that she has always wanted. They are on her floor, discarded as we are.

I am stepping back. Maybe it is because I feel like I am dying inside. Maybe it is because I see all my faults, my mistakes. Maybe it is because I no longer trust. Maybe it is because I am judged. Maybe it is because I feel like a failure. Maybe it is because the screen is blurred through tears. Maybe because it just sucks and nothing can draw me out. Who knows what the future holds.

Weddings, funerals, births? Maybe all of them.

off and running

Hannah has a cough, a bad one. It doesn't exactly make her throat feel any better either. This morning, we were back to her pediatrician.

More than likely the cough is coming from all the gross stuff that slid down her throat during her surgery. The tonsil doc said they were filled with gross stuff. We got some cough medicine and will continue the mucinex for her.

The code on the garage was changed last night. This is the only access Ashley has to the house (except for breaking a window). Why do I always suspect her? Because she has always given me reason too. During her xanex Justin days, she stole Larry's anti-inflammatory and was selling it and bars at school. Yes, she was a little mini drug dealer.

Why? To get money to buy stuff for Chanell. To send her a valentines day gift and to pay for the overnight shipping. I can only imagine she took the pills here to sell again to pay for one of those weekly motels.

The night we had her in rehab, we found a notebook that she and Justin were writing to each other in. "I'm craving a 1000 bars" and "I'm selling some of my Dad's shit to this stupid girl" were just two of the things no parent would ever, ever want to read.

The notebook is stored, safely away from her, and from me.

Why do we always suspect her? Because she always gives us a reason. Larry doesn't even believe she is working at Sonic now. I do. She wouldn't have been going through so much effort to get him to drop her off at 6:30 am when Chanell will be no where in sight.

I always pictured things would be so very different. How I wish they were ....

the non post

I got through day two of the vacation post and thought, this is really stupid. No one is going to want to read where we ate, how many times someone fell during the waterfall hike (3 was my total out of two trips) or how funny the "continue four tenths mile" that was repeated so many times from Larry's GPS.

I guess what I am typing is, I am in a funk. The post great vacation funk.

It doesn't help that school is three days away, Ashley homeless is six days away and other various Ashley drama.

When I broke my rib, the doctor gave me a script for vicodin. With a refill, you remember way back when, right? I never got the refill as I could manage it with advil. The day before we left, Larry asked me to get it filled for him. He knew we would be doing a lot of walking, hiking and who knew what the beds would be like. I'm not sure if I have mentioned Larry's back is awlful. Our 15th anniversary we had a huge crawfish bowl. He picked up a pot and it hasn't been the same since. It literally cripples him at times. So, he picked it up Friday before we left. That was the 22nd.

Today, out of sixty, there are twenty three left. As well as what was left from the original bottle. When we were leaving Hawaii, I put four tylenol pm into the original bottle that still had two in it. I put the tylenol pm there for the flight home. I knew there would be no way I could sleep without it.

We get on the plane, and the bottle is gone. I thought it had fallen out and left in the rental car, truth be told I packed it. I unpacked it and put it on the counter where it has sat for a week.

Until tonight.

My original bottle of tylenol pm is empty, I forgot to get more and remembered the extra from the flight. The bottle is gone. It was there two days ago, Larry remembers seeing it. When he checked the bottle I had filled, that's when he noticed the difference. He counted them two days ago. Thirteen are gone since then.

My natural instinct is to think Ashley came over and took them. Saturday, I was working, Larry was offshore fishing, my sister had taken Hannah to the mall. The house was empty. When Ashley was taking all the xanex last year, she stole hydrocodone from her Grandpa's during the superbowl.

I ask Hannah, are you taking it? NO! Is Autumn taking it? No. Is Larry taking it? No.

More drama. Online, Ashley is telling Hannah that is bullshit. Hannah doesn't believe her either. Not how I want to start my week.

And Queer as Folk is over .....

new rent trailer

quality is much better

November ..... sighs

Click here to view

some pics

I haven't even started uploading pics with all the drama, but here are a few from the Movie Hummer Tour

when it rains

you know the rest, right?

OK, when I went back to work, I found out my lead tech had quit, just like that, quit. Then, new girl #1 Michelle had turned in her notice. She got a job with the school district. I knew she wouldn't stay, Tuesday no show, Wednesday she called to say she wouldn't be back.

Jeff gone, me hardly there, poor Clint, a boy on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Hannah's surgery and revisit to the hospital, then, tonight, the phone call. I knew it was coming, just a matter of when. Ashley has been calling Larry. I got a job, I'll need a ride when Chanell leaves. He has been telling her, I don't think it is going to work. Ashley calls, my recruiter will pick me up, then he can take me home. Larry tells her, I don't think it's going to work. Ashley calls, they will schedule me at 6:30 am, Larry tells her, I don't think it's going to work.

Today she got the message.

My phone rings, it's Chanell's phone, I answer.

How's Hannah? (Ashley didn't come to see her once, I don't think she even knows she was in the hospital or how serious it was)
She's doing better.
Good, how are you?
I'm fine.

a pause ... she's waiting to ask to come back home. I haven't seen or heard from her in over a month, she's been home three or four times since summer started, only when she needs something. The last time she was home, she got in my face, yelling and screaming. Nothing has changed.

Well, I was wondering if we can coexist for month?
No, we can't.

We can not coexist, we can't even speak to each other. I have come to terms that she and I will not have a relationship. She asks if we can just ignore each other then.
No, we can't.

She argues, I will be gone 12 hours a day, you won't even see me.
It won't be much different then, will it?

I ask her, if you weren't about to run out of a place to stay, would you have called me?
Maybe ....
Bullshit

I continue. We are done. There isn't anything between us, there hasn't been for three years. You blame me for everything that is wrong in your life. You have made your choices, it is time to deal with them. I learned the hard way, your dad learned the hard way, no you will too. You didn't have too, you never did, you chose to make it hard on yourself.

Click.

I call Larry, did you tell her to call me? He said he told her until things are right between us, she could not come home.
FINE, I'll call her she replied in a huff and hung up.

Call waiting, it's her again.

Chanells phone died.
I just figured you hung up.

There is no anger, there is no resentment, there isn't anything at all. It's all very matter of fact.

If you don't let me come home, I won't get in the navy, you will be ruining my life.
Why won't you get into the navy?
I don't even remember the response to that.
I won't have a place to live, something or another.
Ashley, you have been living in a room, a room, hiding for three months, undetected, and you can not find a place to stay for four weeks? I find that hard to believe.

She says she hasn't gone out since PRIDE. She can prove it.
How, with Chanell's word? Chanell who swore she would keep her on the right path, then bought a prepaid phone for her when she knew she was grounded from the phone.
No thanks, do whatever you want. She did stop by after we got back, safe from me not being home. Larry said she had dark circles under her eyes and looked like shit.

She says she will go get a blood and drug test. Funny, no kid should ever have to do that, unless you were put in rehab after taking four xanex bars in one night and sticking pins in your leg.

I am not mean, I am not hateful, it is what it is.

More matter of fact. Nothing more, nothing less. You don't owe me anything, I apologize for making your life so bad. It must have been hard, having me as a girl scout leader, homeroom parent, cupcakes on birthdays for lunch, vacations, broadway plays, concerts, acceptance, two parents, a car. I'm so very fucking sorry for everything Ashley, it's all my fault.

OH, but you hated Chanell -- no, I hated what you did for Chanell. I hated the lies, I hated the cuts, I hated the stealing, I hated the holes in the walls, I hated the screaming, I hated the meetings with principals, I hated the suspensions.

She finally realizes she is not coming home. There is nothing left to say.

No let's work on it, no I miss you's, no I love you's, no I'm sorry's, nothing.

Just one more reason for her to hate me. At least this one I will own up too.

i'm it

OK, Jaded tagged me, so here it goes --

Five years ago today -
I was coming home from our first family reunion on my side in years. Right before my brother decided to move to SC.

Yesterday -
I was trying to make it through work after being up for 24 hours with Hannah in the hospital.

Tomorrow -
I will anxiously be waiting to come home from work so I can watch the first preseason FOOTBALL GAME in HD!!!! woooooo hooooooo

Five snacks I enjoy -
Chips and Salsa, ranch dip (the one you make, not that crap in a jar) and wavy lays, spinach dip & wheat thins, heath bars and chips and salsa. (I know, but I like it so much I have to count it twice)

Five Bands I know most of the lyrics to -
Not really bands but -- Billy Joel, Elton John, Sting, David Bowie and the one, the only M-A-D-O-N-N-A

Five things I would do with a 100 million bucks -
Give 10%, Pay off all my families houses, then buy them all new ones in Hawaii ;), Set up college funds for all my nieces, nephews kids and hopefully grandchildren, travel, travel, travel.

Five things I would never wear -
Anything with the word "dickies" on it, a moo-moo, a zippered jumpsuit, 5 inch heels, any kind of animal print.

Five movies I like -
Ghost, Father of the Bride (Steve Martin one), Parenthood, My Life, 50 First Dates (I could go on forever here)

Five famous people -
Jack Nicholson (the actor, not the golfer), Madonna, Billy Joel, Elton John and Cameron Crowe

My biggest joys at the moment -
Hannah, my job, my husband, Hawaii vacation and, of course FOOTBALL SEASON!

Five people to tag --
St. Tropez Butler, Galilee, Charlotte, Jules & Dazed

the end to a very long 48 hours

ugh

Tuesday night, Hannah banana did OK with her pain. She was fully medicated, got some applesauce down and slept most of the night. Wednesday, Larry stayed home with her while I went to work and then the managers meeting.

About two, he called me. Her stomach is upset. Make sure she eats before you give her the pain meds, they will make her sick. By this point, it was too late. Her stomach was at the "I know if I eat I will feel better, but I can't bring myself to eat anything because my stomach hurts so bad" phase.

I walk in the door at five and she is throwing up. We try to get mashed potatoes down her, she throws it up, we try to get pudding down her, she throws it up. We get nausea medicine called in, she throws it up.

I take her tempature as she feels very, very warm, 104. Whip on some clothes, scoop her up and race to the ER. A 104 temp with throwing up after surgery, there's something wrong.

We get to the ER and it is packed. They triage her, nurse says she will get a bed asap for her. They do. She is stripped down to a gown, blood is drawn from each arm, an IV is started, antibiotics, nausea and morphine.

Morphine? OH MY GAWD, I'm totally loosing it. I thought watching her in recovery was bad, this was a million times worse. Her cheeks blazing red, her lips dry as a chip, her body shaking from the fever chills and her heart racing. Nervous breakdown, party of one.

I truly believe there is a reason for the night shift. They (not all mind you health care readers) are not all the sharpest tools in the box. After they have loaded up with morphine and the nausea medicine (which also makes her sleepy) they decide they need a urine sample.

Now, Hannah is one of the most prudest people I have ever met. Bedpan? HELL NO! She insist on being wheeled into the bathroom, IV in tow. Then wants me to get out. Ummmm, banana, you are so loaded you may flush yourself, I'm staying.

They get the sample and she goes back to sleep. Pain meds on board, no more throwing up, but her fever is still there. Nurse? Her fever is 104. Really? YES! I'll have to get some tylenol for her. Since she was throwing up and there is no IV ready tylenol, guess where it had to go?

"Hannah, I need you to turn over on your side" the nurse says. Loaded, she turns over, she has no idea what is coming and the screaming "NOOOOOOO WHAT ARE YOU DOING" only proved it more.

Larry had gone home with my sister to shower and bring the other car up. I am there alone with her, helpless, watching her suffer. I would go through 100 natural labors to keep her from that. Larry finally gets back around 11:30.

We are supposed to be waiting for a room. Her fever is lowering, slowly, very slowly. More bags for the IV, more pain meds, no throwing up. 1am, no room. 2am, no room. I decide to try and go and try to sleep in the tahoe for awhile. Not a breeze in sight, not even the spider webs are blowing. Then mosquito's. Back inside.

I ask one of the nurses, are there any rooms yet? Her reply, "You mean you can't believe there are no open rooms?" WHOA, back off bitch. Don't ever, I mean ever pull that crap on a mom with a sick kid in the emergency room. OK, do you THINK you can find some more comfortable seating? "I'll get the floor nurse, I have work to do" Motherf*cker -- Yes, Rick heard about it this morning, her contract will not be renewed.

Somehow, we get to 7am. We took turns sleeping on the floor, the chairs, the car. Her doctor comes in, there is no explanation for her fever. She is hydrated, her throat is moist, looking good. He decides it was a delayed reaction to the anesthesia. See if she can take the liquid meds on her own, if she doesn't throw up she can go home.

That takes two hours to get. I call Monica, you will need to go in two hours early, I have four hours of overtime to give, use it. I call Clint, no way can I close tonight. I'll come in at one, you leave till five, come back and close. Clint rocks my world.

Larry brings her home, she takes a shower, eats a little, sleeps a lot. When I come home tonight, she is coming downstairs. Her hair is clean, she is smiling and looks a million times better. She is eating tuna as we speak.

I am going to lay in the bed and die a little tonight.

I haven't even begun to tell you about work .......

two scoops of banana

"that's awesome" were the first words she stated through her medicated haze.

We got to the hospital about 11:30 am. Her surgery scheduled for 1 pm.
Things were a little scattered, the drug doctor was in surgery, we were waiting for the standby. Our doctor wanted the nurse to put the IV in, just then the doctor came and did it, twice. Seems Hannah has very small veins so the first one didn't take.

Then, the executive assistant to the hospital administrator came in to check on her. Marilee's uncle who vacationed with us is on the board there and told them to give her the VIP treatment. She thought that was way cool.

After the IV was in, they gave her a good sized relaxing shot, she was out before they wheeled her out of the room. One o'clock exactly. The surgery was supposed to be over in about 30 minutes. After 45 I got more nervous than I had been.

An hour later the doctor came out. He said there will be one person very mad at Hannah. The guy who held the biggest tonsil award previous to her. He said they were the size of ovaries, he had to suture inside as well as out. I felt my stomach sinking as he was talking. I could see her in about 45 minutes, go get her pain meds filled.

I go, then return with a balloon, a moshi pillow and lots of liquid pain medicine. I walk into recovery and begin to feel faint. There is nothing, I mean nothing worse than seeing your child in that state. Get it together Mom. Give her a kiss, tell her about her enormous tonsils, "that's awesome" her reply.

We have to wait another two hours, take her home, force liquids down and some applesauce so the meds wont make her sick. Get the hourglass down and set the timer, eight ounces every hour, nothing less. She is currently passed out on the couch, I am waiting for Larry so I can go get food. There is still nothing here since vacation and I haven't eaten all day, I'm starved, exhausted, relieved.

Her throat now looks like a throat instead of a marker width hole.

still no boring vacation post

or pictures.

I got to work at 3:30 am ..... Hawaii time. My watch was still set for that time zone until about 6:30 tonight.

I went and got jello and popsicles for the banana. Poor baby, I am a nervous wreck already. I'm off tomorrow, Larry will be taking off Wednesday.

She had blood drawn today for the first time, Larry said she freaked out, the IV tomorrow should be fun.

Ashley came by today while I was at work. She had called Hannah and she told him he was home. She came in wearing her Sonic hat, informing Larry of how her schedule would be when Channell moves on the 14th.

She hasn't been home for more than three days since May 28th. Longer really, she hasn't been "home" in three years. I do not think I am capable of letting her return this time. This means she will be home for a month, the first month of school for Hannah. Nope, can't do it, too much at stake.

I can see it now. Ashley stirring up drama with all the losers she hung out (underclassmen), causing more trouble for Hannah, us back at Mrs. Galaes' office. Nope, too much drama.

It's going to be a long week.