when it rains

you know the rest, right?

OK, when I went back to work, I found out my lead tech had quit, just like that, quit. Then, new girl #1 Michelle had turned in her notice. She got a job with the school district. I knew she wouldn't stay, Tuesday no show, Wednesday she called to say she wouldn't be back.

Jeff gone, me hardly there, poor Clint, a boy on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Hannah's surgery and revisit to the hospital, then, tonight, the phone call. I knew it was coming, just a matter of when. Ashley has been calling Larry. I got a job, I'll need a ride when Chanell leaves. He has been telling her, I don't think it is going to work. Ashley calls, my recruiter will pick me up, then he can take me home. Larry tells her, I don't think it's going to work. Ashley calls, they will schedule me at 6:30 am, Larry tells her, I don't think it's going to work.

Today she got the message.

My phone rings, it's Chanell's phone, I answer.

How's Hannah? (Ashley didn't come to see her once, I don't think she even knows she was in the hospital or how serious it was)
She's doing better.
Good, how are you?
I'm fine.

a pause ... she's waiting to ask to come back home. I haven't seen or heard from her in over a month, she's been home three or four times since summer started, only when she needs something. The last time she was home, she got in my face, yelling and screaming. Nothing has changed.

Well, I was wondering if we can coexist for month?
No, we can't.

We can not coexist, we can't even speak to each other. I have come to terms that she and I will not have a relationship. She asks if we can just ignore each other then.
No, we can't.

She argues, I will be gone 12 hours a day, you won't even see me.
It won't be much different then, will it?

I ask her, if you weren't about to run out of a place to stay, would you have called me?
Maybe ....
Bullshit

I continue. We are done. There isn't anything between us, there hasn't been for three years. You blame me for everything that is wrong in your life. You have made your choices, it is time to deal with them. I learned the hard way, your dad learned the hard way, no you will too. You didn't have too, you never did, you chose to make it hard on yourself.

Click.

I call Larry, did you tell her to call me? He said he told her until things are right between us, she could not come home.
FINE, I'll call her she replied in a huff and hung up.

Call waiting, it's her again.

Chanells phone died.
I just figured you hung up.

There is no anger, there is no resentment, there isn't anything at all. It's all very matter of fact.

If you don't let me come home, I won't get in the navy, you will be ruining my life.
Why won't you get into the navy?
I don't even remember the response to that.
I won't have a place to live, something or another.
Ashley, you have been living in a room, a room, hiding for three months, undetected, and you can not find a place to stay for four weeks? I find that hard to believe.

She says she hasn't gone out since PRIDE. She can prove it.
How, with Chanell's word? Chanell who swore she would keep her on the right path, then bought a prepaid phone for her when she knew she was grounded from the phone.
No thanks, do whatever you want. She did stop by after we got back, safe from me not being home. Larry said she had dark circles under her eyes and looked like shit.

She says she will go get a blood and drug test. Funny, no kid should ever have to do that, unless you were put in rehab after taking four xanex bars in one night and sticking pins in your leg.

I am not mean, I am not hateful, it is what it is.

More matter of fact. Nothing more, nothing less. You don't owe me anything, I apologize for making your life so bad. It must have been hard, having me as a girl scout leader, homeroom parent, cupcakes on birthdays for lunch, vacations, broadway plays, concerts, acceptance, two parents, a car. I'm so very fucking sorry for everything Ashley, it's all my fault.

OH, but you hated Chanell -- no, I hated what you did for Chanell. I hated the lies, I hated the cuts, I hated the stealing, I hated the holes in the walls, I hated the screaming, I hated the meetings with principals, I hated the suspensions.

She finally realizes she is not coming home. There is nothing left to say.

No let's work on it, no I miss you's, no I love you's, no I'm sorry's, nothing.

Just one more reason for her to hate me. At least this one I will own up too.