are you there god? its me, kimmy

I wished for good New Year, didn’t I?

Friday afternoon, in the shower, I found a lump. I haven’t felt it before, then again, I am ten pounds lighter, and those things are mostly fatty tissue. Of course it was after two, so my OB was closed for the weekend. I called his answering service, hoping he would be on call and just order me a mammogram. No such luck. I then called Dr. Iwontgiveyousleepingpills on the off chance he may actually believe me, and just let me go and get one downstairs. Strike two. I couldn’t even get an appointment to see him, but I would have to first.

I called and switched my schedule on Monday to a closing shift. Then, I decided to google it. BIG MISTAKE. People, let me just tell you, if you are sick, do not research it online. I was ready to call the funeral home. So, I waited, until this morning. I got up, got dressed and started driving towards my OB without an appointment. I called when the office opened, I was 15 minutes away.

I told the receptionist what was going on, she said come on in.

My doctor, who I have seen for more than 20 years and adore, comes in. He asked me which side, I tell him, and he begins to palpitate. “Ah ha, there it is.” OK, he can feel it, I a going straight to the crematory. He sends me downstairs for the mammogram. The radiologist reads it, there is a mass, and you have to get an ultrasound to see if it is solid or not (fluid is good; it would probably be a cyst). But, the ultrasound technician isn’t here; you have to come back Wednesday.

So, I know nothing more than I did on Friday, and have to wait more until Wednesday.

THEN, on the back way to work, I run out of gas, on the exit ramp, in construction. This is the first time I have ran out of gas in over 16 years. I was two hours late for work and rushing to let my other manager go to lunch. If I really don’t have cancer, then I was surely going to die by some car slamming into me even though I had my flashers on.

Some of the construction workers pushed me off to the shoulder. Within minutes, the “Safety Clear” tow is there. He tells me less than a mile is free, which is good because, the doctor I adore stopped taking my insurance last year (seems I was the only one that had it), then I had to pay my 10% of the mammo.

So, there it is. Stranger-than-fiction-you-cant-make-this-shit-up. My appointment is Wednesday at 12:45 central time. Send good wishes, prayers or pixie dust.

At this point I don't care if you worship a hole in the ground. I’ll take what I can get.