so, this is what hell is like?

.

Hell, yes, that is exactly where I am. Yesterday, she strolls in around 4. With a Mothers Day card. Now, lets not start congradulating each other just yet. The mothers day card was an excuse. An excuse for not coming home like she is supposed too. Whether it is wrong or right, that is what it seemed like. Sadly, I will always remember it that way as well.

So, after she strolls in, nonchalant, like nothing is wrong, she proceeds to go online. Calls me upstairs to read an IM chat box. It seems that Hannah and Stephanie have been smoking, and getting them from Ashleys friends no less.

Now, Ashley is not looking out for Hannah, just trying to get her in trouble. I ask Ashley, don't you even care about Hannah? "Hannah and I are not that close anymore" was the direct quote I get. I swear as almighty god as my witness I simply will not go through four more years of hell and let Hannah fall to the same things Ashley has *chosen* to do.

Want to see someone fall apart? That is exactly what I did. I went into the bathroom, drew a bath and cried till my eyes were swollen. How did my life get so out of control? When was the exact moment I lost my connection with Ashley? Why in the world would Hannah *EVER* consider this?

Larry gets home, I am in the garage waiting for him, I can't bear to even go into my own house. We go in, united front. First thing he does is yank the internet from upstairs. Its gone and it aint comin back.

Ashley sits at the top of the stairs spewing little daggers every now and then. When I tell her I can't wait for her to get into the navy acting like she does, her reply? And imagine the most sickening sadistic tone you can think of -- "Oh, I wont act like *this* in the navy" No, Im just going to stick it to you as long as I can possibly get away with it, because you seem to like it Mom.

I am furious, get out, and get out now. Get the hell out of my house, go away, live your live and leave everything that is so bad here. No, she wont go. She doesn't have anywhere else to go.

So, she gets to school, wearing Chanells jeans (that um, so don't fit her) Gets stopped in the hall and sent to Mrs Galeas. Yep, you screwed up again. Now, either change or go to detention all day. She sends her to detention, but instead of going, she gets Chanell to take her home, leaving school, changing her jeans and going about her day. Now, if you think I have given this girl chances, you should see what Mrs Galeas has done. She has all but kept her from getting kicked out into ALC (alternative learning campus) Now she has burned her. She's done as well.

I leave work to pick her up, take her back to work so Larry can pick her up. Yes, we have to babysit our 18 year old. It doesn't stop, more snide smiles, more fuck yous muttered under her breath, tells Hannah she wants to choke her.

Larry & I are SO done with her its not even funny. I tell her, go find a place to live and if you *ever* threaten Hannah, your dad or I your ass will be in jail so fast it will make your head spin.

Now, I have not even scratched the surface on what was actually said or for that matter *how* it was said. She sits smirking at us, then picks up the phone calls and cries to Chanell. Let her take care of you for a while. Since she is the only one who truly cares for you, she's the only one that ever does anything for you blah blah blah, it makes me sick. This is *exactly* the kind of control Chanell thrives on. She likes it when we fight because it makes Ashley more dependent on her.

So, there Ashley sits with THIRTY ONE hours to make up and pass a full years credit by exam for algebra two in two weeks.

And, here I sit in hell, my tempature boiling with not an ice cube insight.