the last time

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anonymous --

this is the last time I will discuss this directly with you, as I don't think (for me anyways) a blog is to directly respond to you. It is for me, if you read in my bio, it states, this is a place for me to vent/cope with what is going on with me, it is not about you.

Now, if you do read "religiously" then you would have to remember the "good day" or the "what was let go" or any of the other "good" post about Ashley.

I did not say "freshman year we loved her" I said we were "in love" with her, there is a difference. It was a metaphor. Truth be told and I have said this repeatedly, we have done counseling, with 2 different privates, through the school and through church (before she stopped believing in God) and we have tried meds, many of them. We have let her have full reign, bought her a car, didn't ask for payments, let her go and do whatever she wanted. We tried total lock down, we tried a happy medium.

This didn't just start, it has been going on for over three years. Rehab, stealing, failing, lying, smoking, sneaking out, cheating on test, threatening a teacher, punching holes in walls. One, just one of these things I could handle, but each one, done over and over (while in therapy, while on meds, while having a car) Each one done right after the other would be more than most could handle. Yet she is still here, we still fight for her, we still love her.

She is an adult, she can chose to do the right thing or the wrong thing. Most of the time, she has chose the latter. I can't follow her to school, sit and hold her hand and make her go to class. She has skipped 18 hours of algebra by her own admission becasue she doesn't want to go, she "will not do homework, I never have, I never will", 31 hours total the second semester.

I am not here to defend myself, if you don't like it, don't read it. I never even expected anyone to pay attention to this. The problem is, here I am, warts and all, putting it out there, This is me, my whole life sucks right now, and there is you, posting as anonymous.

'nuff said.