ashes to ashes

.

When my Mom died, in the midst of everything, I suddenly remembered she wanted to be cremated and spread over her Granny's grave. My Grandfather (her Dad) objected slightly, but then relented. We were torn though, Great Granny was buried far away, and we really didn't have any kind of place to just visit her.

What was decided is that we would purchase a small urn to fill, then the rest would be scattered. Now, I know that sounds weird, but you would have to have known my mom to appreciate this. My Mom died on March 19th, one month before the day her Granny died years ago. We decided to wait until that day to spread the ashes. We went to Hobby Lobby to look for something suitable to put the spreading ashes in. I found a nice vase, that kind of looked like an urn with a lid. Autumn asks, "what will we do with it afterwards?" I ask, "what would Mother do?" "Return it" we both say in unison. Again, you would have to know my Mom to appreciate. We decided on a small box with cherubs.

We drive down, meet my Grandmother, her sister and 2 of my aunts. She lives near Lake Charles were Great Granny is buried. We get to the grave, and when we open the box where her ashes were was a letter. Ashley had written it. There were also two dollar bills. My mom always wanted to win the lottery and Ashley, in every note she wrote her was praying for her to win. I'm not sure if the two dollars were for scratch off tickets or just Ashley's share of her own little lottery, she was all of 12 at the time. I can't remember what the letter said, but it was buried with her.

After our little ceremony, Larry my sister and I decided to stop by the casinos on our way home. My grandmother asked "do you think that is appropriate?" I reply, "If Mother were this close to the casinos do you think she would have driven by?" "You're right, go" my grandmother states.

Now, me and gambling, let's just say if Larry isn't there to stop me, I give it all back. I'm playing 21, I double split, then double down on both sets, I'm terrified, the dealer knows, he waits to turn my cards over until last. I win, both hands. Yep, Mother was there with us.

A while later, I am vacuuming. Ashley is in the living room. She points to the urn and says "Is this Grandma Renee?" Instinct makes me reply "No, why?" Ashley says "Because it says Renee M on it" I almost died. She knew and I couldn't tell her. Mother stayed with us for a while until Autumn moved out. Autumn called me one day and said, "Notice anything missing?" She had taken her to live at her new apartment.

Now that my sister is back here with us, so is part of my Mom. Right after she died, we would joke, "I wonder which parts we have?" Then when the obvious anger at her suicide, we would joke about putting her in the corner. So, there she sits on my mantle, looking down, (or up?!) at us all together again.

Now, I have always wanted to be cremated, always. I'm not big on bathroom stalls or small spaces, I'm not claustrophobic, but some small spaces freak me out, no way I am going to be in a casket. I've planned most of my funeral, music, flowers and NOT on a rainy day. I've told Larry I would haunt him if he has my service on a rainy day.

I have also told him I want to hire that company that puts some of your ashes in a vial and launches them into space. My reason is so no matter what happens afterwards, everyone can say "She's up there" while pointing. *chuckles*

If I read this post on someone else's blog, I would hope to be able to see the humor in which I am intending it. Life is short, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.