not sure

.

Last night, I am up. I can't sleep. I hear murmuring. I go by her door. Shes on the phone, I go in, its the cell phone. I take it, again. Where did this one come from? Same one, said it was on her bed. This after it was taken on Saturday. Larry may have left it there, instead of giving it back, she keeps it. The text messages, all about lies to us. I can't take it anymore.

I can not have someone in my house who lives to lie to me. When everything we do is for her, she does nothing for us. Only wants to use us. She does not care about us, hasnt for a very long time.

How much more do we have to give? When does it become time for her to prove? Never I guess. It's Larrys birthday today. I dont want any drama tonight. She is supposed to stay after to make up hours. I dont know if she will even call to be picked up. I dont know if she will even stay after. I dont know if she will even come home.

I am so tired of this. Im hating her again. I am filled with resent. I am her mother, true. She is not my daughter. She doesnt want to be, cant wait to get away, yet refuses to leave. Only ask to come back home once every bridge is burned. Makes no effort. How long am I bound to her? For life, or until she graduates?

I am sick, can not eat. I have a lump in my throat making me want to vomit.

Saturday was horrible. 10 hours, all problems. Monday, 11 hours, three days off. Not enough. I can't recoupe. Im wrecking myself for her, once again.

I really dont think she will ever change. I have 1 month until graduation. I dont want to send out announcements. What if she doesnt do it? I feel like I have lost my will. She can stay through graduation, at this moment, I am not doing anything extra for her. She can have a place to stay and food to eat. Thats it. The last ember of my ashes has gone. I can no longer be burned.